Shattered – A Remix of Anis’ Story

I watched you
I watched your silhouette block the light
Beams of light rushes in from the open door,
Throws a spotlight on you
The reflection illuminates my messy mind
In a moment it is swept away

The night closed and we surrendered to cold,
Making our way through spills and shattered glasses
Shivering, from cold and fear of shattered chances
One two minds, is this one mine?

The speech in my head cancels the words on your lips
I heard what you said, not the ones from your lips
In heaps, tears begin to form…
My quicksilver frozen tongue,
All the things you should know,
I surrender,
I surrender as cold tears travel down my chin

© Ub Matthews et Anis Syahirah -170409

quartely report

I just felt like coming plain this time around, non-lyrical, non-poetic plain, about the events that have consumed my time lately. April is always a special month for many reasons for me, It comes with the beginning and ending of many phases in my life.
Lately there is so much to write about, but very little enthusiasm. Sitting at the waiting area in a specialist medical center today, thoughts started flooding me and I wish I had a means to document them as they came. I decided to do it summarily, a report on my life or the events that have occurred that I shall remember these few days.

My future in the country:
So as not to dwell too much on this topic, I am going to be straight. It will be very difficult to leave this place no matter how good the opportunities that present itself in greener pastures. I always thought otherwise. I didn't realize how much I got used to this place.

My brain activities:
With amnesia setting in and the clock ticking, I decided to pick up a few things to deal with my almost dormant head.

o Scrabble

I picked this up sometime last year but got into a competition this year and surprisingly I was very eager to be in the first five (5) which would mean beating all those seasoned players who have been doing it before me for years. That was not to be but I nonetheless got a price and a certificate for the 11th place! Dig that!

o Music

Ok, I am not very proud of my achievement in this department but, I have come a long way learning stuff by myself thus far. I have tried my hands on many instruments; maybe being a jack of all trade had a hold on me, I can barely say that of all the instruments (guitar, keyboard and drums) that I have flirted with, it appears to be only my drumming skills that is honing. This might be partly because I get to do it every other week in church.
I have a sea of materials that could be recorded songs someday but lack of resources is slowing me down. I have tried taking vocal lessons online to strengthen my already diminishing vocal strength but the motivation slips away too often.
Yeah, I have broadened my music ears too as many might notice, I am now listening to and enjoying music that could make many brothers’ ear tingle and I don’t give a damn how ‘white’ they think I have become...I am just grown.

· Sports
Football is still my thing no doubt but I grabbed the opportunity to inflict pain on people the minute it came. Some scout saw me in a football game and told me to try out for rugby, courtesy of my build and speed, I thought about it and started training!
It is becoming fun to train as I now have a faint idea of the objectives of the sport. I joined as a pure novice but I am not given any special treatment at all! I am supposed to just watch, play and blend in. The challenge is helping me grasp it more, despite the fact that it makes me feel stupid nonetheless.
I felt so out of place at first, for starters, until I went for a shower after training, I have never seen that much variety of penises in my whole life! It is very amazing the different species of ‘map’ that folks hide under their pants, even I was in awe!
I still have the ‘yikes’, when I think about the water that we have to drink on the pitch, folks have to scoop it from a cork container with cups and ice in it. The cups are shared and people just scoop the water with them and throw them in again after they are done drinking.
The water is mixed with all sorts of things, blood, grass, sweat, sand, boogers, hair, pvc, ice blocks, etc….I have to bring my own water to the pitch now….fuck team spirit! My stomach is too fragile I am already spending most of my savings trying to figure out what causes the severe stomach aches I have been having lately. This being me to the next point;

· Health
I try to be as healthy as possible, minimize my exposure to cigarette smoke, dust, drink clean water often and all those other nonsenses that are supposed to help me live a long, ill-free life but, yeah, this recurrent stomach aches I have been having is almost making me a sissy despite my efforts to brave up so, I decided to deal with it…squarely. I finally got to fix an appointment and get an ultrasound scan; I have been putting this off for 6months now mainly due to the recession today...hehehe.
I realized how ultrasound scans have been stereotyped as a women-only procedure. Not wanting to be on the waiting list for an appointment I had with my doctor for it in June, I decided to go see a private specialist. The first clinic I walked into was a “LOH WOMEN’S SPECIALIST CLINIC”, I will forgive the nurse who almost walked me away after she found out that I was gonna be the one getting the scan and not a female partner. She told me it is a women clinic/procedure only and I stood my ground until one Dr. Loh took my 70bucks, smeared me with gel, said a couple of weird things and then recommended me to a REAL specialist a couple of blocks away who, repeated the same procedure, with softer hands but for a higher fee, explained some jargons, caressed, told me that my bilateral kidneys, gallbladder, pancreas and spleen, liver were in top-shot condition, and that I didn’t have suprarenal masses and an obvious paraaortic lymphadenopathy, gave me printed-out pictures of my abs and a report of what she just said and, sent me to go see my doctor, again, and, come again, for a ‘scope’ to rule out any intestine abnormalities on the recommendation of my doctor.

· Social Life
I made a vow to go out and dance every night except Sundays and Mondays for as long as it is fun, it has been wicked fun! And I have kept that vow so far! hihi
Ok, this babble will have to pause here, my head spins and I can’t be bothered to save it and continue again…such has been my life, the outline at least…..to be continued perhaps!