newbies

Itz the season in college once more when some folks make resolutions and others hope for changes. You know, coupled with exams, itz the Orientation week and there are a lotta freshies up in da joint. Niggas can't help but hope, dem shortyz have their sweet time choosing too. Well, itz a cycle that will well be over in a jiffy. Itz kindda good, those that acted up will be in top competition now and maybe a few break-ups might set in but,.....again, itz all good..part of da game homies.

The sad and good part is that the competition ain't too fierce yet as many foks are off to some holiday but therez more to come fellas relax and study the frenzy will all wean with a couple 'o 'Ds'.

They come in shades - Black, White, Cacuasians, Faggards, Babies, Wildos there is variety people! We wouldn't need punches for this except where neccessary. As for me, I went out and I am not in. I will see you playas when itz half time......

....about

....there is a break in transmission for now. Life is getting better around here and I am enjoying every ounce of it. There are loads on ma mind that I have to post even the post-dated stunts. I will be back to tell of ma stories. God has been WONDERFUL to me the few couple of weeks. LEtz pray this remains and hopefully...get better. PEace!

Mma Mma fly away!~

Friends are made without much fuss. You get to a place, see nu folks, get lonely, do your thing but, after a season you realise that you have created a nu niche - a groupe' of people you call buddies and then itz time to bounce! Often times emotions set in and you wish the folks never had to part but as inevitable as this may seem to be, you might get over it sooner than imagined...trust me! It a game and the cycle replays.

I really took friendships for granted..I mean, I do not really have friends but, when the thots of people you have fratenized with over a couple of hours leaving you for an undefined season sets in I am bewildered. When and how it started I throw in the bin, whatz gotta keep is that this doesn't become 'memoirs. I do not take chances now adays and hope that things be the same as they've always been. I only make the kind of friends that I can keep forever or fcuk it! Why waste the whole joint on something that might as well be futile...dig me!

The month of June and early July has always been a month of losing contacts, some for a season, some for as much as life can hide 'em. A couple of 'dearies' have hopped on some airbus and have arrived at some destination that only signals can reach in hours. Norway, Michigan, Califorania, Saudi Arabia, Dubai, Phillipines, Canada, and you name them. Them niggas are just leaving me here that I feel so 'lonley!' Other folks are making plans to fly-away too and this has not only made me try to be more useful, but has took me to the throes of reflections.....,I ask maself. "Will folks miss when I am gone somewhere better?" ....this here is a food for shots

timeout!

Sunday was a very good day. It coulda been sad as a very good friend and sister was leaving for a whole month, but, we had unbridled, undefined fun.

It did not cross ma mind that there wa this mini-haven of fun right here int he city, I chanced upon it when a friend suggested we hang out there. Straight back from church with ma clothes still on I breezed in the Park with a heave of more than four(4) nationalities represented - Norwegians, Syrian, Phillipinos, Chinese and Nigerian. It was something that I have missed in like years so I not only indulged in frenzy, I saved some memories as well.

The first spot was this make believe Waterfall. It was short-lived as it got turned-off sooner than we expected but it was enough time to get to the crest of the fall and tumble down after losing some grib. For a while I saw maself coming....but when I could feel 'ground' under ma feet again, I knew there must be a God that really loves me. If you hear that fun kills don't doubt it.

Football, money-watching, fishing for fingerlets, trekking, shooting and you name it! Somehow, we stole some show as people couldn't help taking a quick galnce at this multi-national group staging some stunts and laughing away like there was no tommorrow....Well, the hullabooms of the evening continued till dusk when we had to bid farewells and bounce. It wasn't really a sad ending story as we time and chance will surface again. In da mean time, I gotz to fix ma brain for college. I think I am really missing like more than a week's work to stress and fun. Pace out

Good Manners!

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one "Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" she asked.
"Just a minute, I have to go piss." The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite!"
"What about you John, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table."
"And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper."
The teacher fainted

Goodmorning!

Today seems to have a lotta surprises in da offing. Not only did I wake up late and still bloody sleepy, I hiked a cab to college only to find out that there was a quiz on the class I missed for other shit going on.

I told the lecturer but she told me to sit anyway. After browsing through the 3 questions for about 5mins, I decided that the best thing to do was to hand the shit in. Now, thatz the first time in ma whole educational life that I handed in a blank shit of paper. It so embarrasing. The funny thing is that people thought that 'mr. smarty pants' had finished answering all the question under 5mins. Howz that!

I am still determined to face the rest of today and discover what it has in store for me today. Is it a bad day, I'll say NO! I am just having a variation in the turn of events which is a very welcomed development...and, I am out of here.

...purgatory

talking about investing our time wisely, It dawned on me that if our ability to see the nest day was based on how wisely we used our valuable time and did not waste it, then, this would not be cause I won't be around here to write this peace.

Some people live to die while some are dying to live but, do we really deserve what we have? If we lose track of why we were 'made' then the possibilty that we might as well, waste the whole 24hrs is very eminent. The HOLY book has made it clear that our very existence will be marred if we lose love in our hearts. Love for God and towards his creatures. This could be a hard nut to crack as most of the woes we face here on earth are caused by this costly negligence. " ...if we have all the earthly treasures and do not have genuine love, we are worse than infidels!" this is what the holy book reports.

Studies and live have shown that we spend our most of our time on the people and things that we love most. Reverred men have been quoted as saying that the correct spelling of love is T-I-M-E.

We could shield ourselves with the fact that nobody really needs our time so we invest it on irrelevant projects and self gratification. This overly, has its benefits so-to-say but, will the benefits still hold when time will time no more?

I have been learned and agreed that the best way we can spend the precious 24hrs we have is by loving God and his letting this love flow freely towards His creatures. To love demands that we give our time unreservedly to those who need it most. Somebody is gonna die today and would have used our valuable time and love to either survive or let go excitingly. Don't sit on the fence and be selfish towards something that you really don't own. Faunas shower love and affection only on their kind, an evil Evil that has brought calamities to our world. We all came out from Eve didn't we! ..and maybe some people are 'made-in-china!', this I would not find it hard to believe.....Give God, give Love, give TIME daily, itz the real essence of living.

Creamed

A lady with reading disability purchases a jar of Cream. As she was gossiping with a friend she'd just met, she introduced a facial product to her new friend that was so effective in exfoliating dead skin cells and asked her friend to try it for her blackheads. On asking to see the brand name so she could place an order for the product, the lady produces a jar of 'exfoliating' cream that she had been using for her face and it read "SALAD CREAM"!

-Ub.

Advertorial

There are a couple of special features that should inspire any goal oriented students to attend ma college. It is non-arguable one of the best not private colleges around the east coast... namean? It has the features of a shopping mall except that some dedicated lecturers are nice enough to bore you with things that are mundane and they find diffiuclt to understand themselves. Features include:

• A muli-lingual community. (you could learn chinese for free from some leturers who choose the language as their form of knowledge 'dessipication'.
• A multipurpose cafeteria
• A smoking zone for puffers
• A makeshift boutique that you could purchase (or steal some old stock fabrics)
• Beautiful washrooms cum smoking zone for students who like inhaling the puff with a mixture of Latrine smokes
• A bursary which only imposes 50bucks per week for unsettled fees
• A chat cum games room for you to unwind(computer Lab)
• A cold room filled with both updated and outdated books for you to have siesta should you feel the urge to.
• A mini Zoo or Pet-hub in the cafeteria to enhance your viewing pleasure as the animals creep around. ( recommended for those with indigestion problems)
• A bookshop that sells, toys and clothes( you don't have to bring along your teddyz, or bother if yu forgot to wear a shirt).
• An Engineering lab that vibrates the whole building if the students happen to be building some 'explosives'.
• A laptop room for you to connect and watch shit should you feel bored with life and classes.
• LOts of fancy food restuarants in the 4 storeyed college building for you to take your lecturers out for lunch if you sense your grades dropping.

If you've had Dreams that are not Driving well, attend KDU for your dreams to be driven by licensed F1 racers. Thatz our speciality.

A change here is eminent - for better, for worse!

....job!

I got paid back in ma own coin. The rigors of primitive marketting dawned on me when ma beloved school put me under the blazing near some rival college supposedly to hand-out pieces of SHit for two hours. Well, brother needs some financing and some change to carry on with so I indulged.

I have this hate for them marketers. Not only do the waste valuable money printing trash, the make the government waste so more money trying to collect 'em while bogging the populace with extraload! what a world?

Stood there like an "idiot" handing out pieces of shit that I had no interest in finding out what was the content. I don't blame the folks that starred at and avoided me like some leprous dude, they either do not like education or failed to see the beauty of the 'make-beleive' pictures that ma school were advertising. Some were stupid enough to receive the joint with a grin while some were just nice enough to diss me....forreal! I couldn't help cursing under ma breath while trying to conceal ma fake smile from drooping..."BITCHES!"

It appeared as if the sun stood still for two hours straight. You know standing under the sun to get paid or was it counting time! It was horrendous! I battled with the thoughts of dumping those shits of paper into some dust bin and chilling out somewhere to check out the beautyz that were struttuing by- aftterall, that'll be ultimate destination of shitz- the Bin. The funny part was that not only did some return the stuff after browsing through it, I saw a handful stashed in a waste bin some meters from ma vantage point.

The lesson I learnt today is '...be good to those you meet on your way up because, you might meet them on ya way off.'

..if rats

....soon all the lasses were on top of the table instead of the chairs and screamed at WHAT!

...some bugs...you know these freaky animals that have long tails, nice skin, cute eyes and look like good meat? Yeah! the Rat. Itz a common sight to see them in the college cafeteria now. I spotted one and felt the need to be naughty after a long busy day.....soon all the girls defied pride and modesty and were skimping all around the whole joint. I thought they be fooling but not with the look in their eyes. Tell me a well-natured young lass would sit on top of a dining table in the public for whatever reasons.....nah!

I hate rats too but I'd pretend not to be seeing them in an eatery. But if I was having grilled exotic beef, I'd puke! Who knows if ratz the main stuff on the recipe?

faith in spam!

I decided to be little more lenient and easen the security policy on ma email so that I will not have to filter off likely important messages in the process. I learnt ma lesson!

After about 20mins of deciding to let the messages in ma bulk folder remain for a week before filtering off, I realised that I had about 230 'junk' mails instantly!

There is cause to be mad at this things but, I tend to channel ma frustrations into good positive things now. The amazing thing about spam is the 'optimism' that is involved. I got messages like, "If Arnold Schwarzenegger can do it, you can do it too!"; "Ub - credit no problem!; "Get a pay advance today" and the likes of these shitz. Itz alright to get infatuated once in a while and indulge. I tend not to rule out the fact that not every spam is spam..miracles can happen and you really hit a jackpot from one of these internet 'hulllabooms' but, this I approach as subtily as a reall nigga. I have had ma share of lesson and I learnt it real good.

When you feel like you've lost hope on stuffz. Just logon to one 'o these sites. Fill up the shitty forms, don't pay any 'moderation' fees and hope for something big to hit ya account. If ya ask me,..........I'll say that is FAITH!

Monsieur!

Oight guyz!

I just want to drop this missive to all da playas outta there. You know what? To be in this game, you must know the basics, the concept of playin'.

I have been opportuned to yap with some of the shortyz in which y'll fancied and would wanna go out with. There ain't no problem with that. The problem is, strategise your game in such a manner that if "Crush" does not eventually agree to out with you, you can save ya face.....'namean? You can still be friends with 'em and not feel un-toward toward 'em.

There are many wayz of knowing if Shorty would fancy going out with you even before asking. But, if you decide to take it the old-fashioned way, ask, don't beg or tell.

There are a couple of things that shortyz do which is normal. You gat to give your crush something to talk about when she calls up gossip mates to dissect the day. I respect the guyz no matter what so, when shortyz start blabbing about some guy they hate because nigga apparently asked her out, I just tell 'em it private information and I ain't interested. Niggas you gat hear how sick the make it sound. "Poor thing! Hez such a loser trying to get in ma page"........Men! like you ain't SHIT!

Stop all this drolling over some fake-ass lass that tells you "I will have to think about it..." the mesage is clear. Move on! Maybe it all about the dough,..maybe 'bout da looks too but, if you're a good playa, then you'd know what to substitute. There is no reason to sit around and call this beauties 'Bitches!'.....not that they ain't; this only aggrevates the joint. Be a good guy once in a while even though youmight be accused of flirting. It doesn't hurt much.

Females ar like F-males, they could just like you if you make yaself likeable....namean? Do things like:

• Brush ya teeth!(man! I can't even talk to some guys....how will the females do?) chew gums or shut up if the stench still ain't drained.
• get a good, neat, unusual hairstyle sometime....change it a bit often, it makes you fresh and desired.
• Please take regular shower guys and watch ya skin. (a deodorant doesn't cost a bump if "Your's" is stale).
• Please smile at the ladies....itz wierd but, Smiling is sending out signals. It might be good ir bad. Just pray she gets the right signal.
• Don't be an ass around girls just to swoon them. They'd appear to like 'em but be cursing under their breath
• Lastly, never be more than asshole to ladies you are a total disgrace to manhood.

I ain't gonna tell you what to do about ya crushes but, I'll leave you with this.

• Know your class and type but leave room for miracles.
• you are being watched...act like you are!
• This is a game and you must have ya own gameplan.
• Never stalk a girl...it freaks her.
• never date a ho...you'd need a pump
• fcuk yu for wasting time reading this crap....to get along with the ladies is a gift ya mama should have given yu.

*diclaimer: Information here is professional and writer would be unprofessional enough to whoop ya ass if you diss dem shortyz.

Lastly guys, if you really like a girl, forget about all the 'dos' and 'donts'. Go all out to get her. Give it whatever it takes. forget about the Hatas....the're just playin thier own game.

".................I don't hate Playas', I just don't like the game"

what to say?

Sitted here on a saturday morning trying to hold grisp of ma 6811 Programming skills, I sense recentment then I slowed into blankhood......................

Fcuk! I thought I was going to blog. I had this interesting thing to blog about but I have lost ma RAM momentarily again. Gotta reboot chao!

..All in a dayz job.

Ever wondered the odd embarrassing things that occur in a single day? They are clueless, they are timely, they are inevitable. Tag.

1. I got in a cab and found out later that I had no cash in my wallet. Thanks to ATMs.
2. Walked in late to a strange class and almost took notes when I realised I was in the wrong zone.
3. Walked half-way to the Post Office and discovered that no only would it be closed for the day, I forgot the documents I was going to send.
4. My friend washed her hair with some stuff (supposed it to be shampoo) and only realised the mistake in college after she found out that her hair was freckled!
5. I mistakenly took out a book I had already returned in the Library in a haste and the alarm system blared!
6. An recurring sms was mistakenly sent to me and I freaked out until the sender replied with a 'Opps! wrong number!'
7. We got in the way of some folks shooting a drama in college and they started beckoning on us to get out! I did not realise this not even after ma friends stepped aside. I got ma shot though!
8. Got into the One-stop center in college and for one minute forgot what I was about to say right in front of the staff. Am I a maniac?
9. After college, I took a cab home and realised half way that I intended to go ma friend's place. Thank God it was still in the way.

.....the list continues but I gotta out...

Some crazy joke

This is so outright funny, stupid and ridiculous tag!
Now, If you ain't a brother 'namean? A Nigerian....don't read this!!!!..I Am watching you now.



A Nigerian Journalist Chats With God (Original Author Unknown )

Dear God, thank you for inviting me to your golden palace. I love it here already. I wish I could stay forever. Maybe, I can get a contract to build one of the streets of gold for you.
You are welcome my son. Don't get used to this place. You are only here for a chat. Now, what can I do for you?
Yes, dear Almighty, I've a burning question on my mind.
What is it, my dear son?
Why did you create the Nigerian?
Oh my son, that is a very good question that I, God Himself, cannot answer. I'm not sure myself. Many people have asked me that question.
Many people?
Yes.
Who are these people?
Foreigners who have died in Nigeria lured there by 419 scam artists. Most of them have asked why I created the Nigerian because they believe that you people are all corrupt.
Why do you say that?
You see, my son. There is a joke going around in heaven.
A joke?
Yes, my son, a joke about you people, Nigerians.
What is the joke?
Remember the song you used to sing when you were in primary and secondary school?
What song, my father?
The song about "All things bright and beautiful..."
Yes, my God, I remember the song very well. But what I don't understand is that how is that a joke?
Listen my son, this is the joke and I will sing the song for you.
Yes, please go ahead, heavenly father.
Listen carefully;
All things bright and beautiful All creatures great and small. All things wise and wonderful And Nigerians ruined them all.
Oh, that was funny. You mean we Nigerians ruined your creation?
Yes, you people are very corrupt to the point that I'm thinking about finishing all your corrupt leaders as I did with Abacha.
That would be very nice, my God. Our leaders have finished us. I think most common Nigerians would welcome that. These our leaders are all corrupt. Look at what they did to Marshal Harry because of politics.
Yes, I knew of that even before it happened.
Who did it, my God?
I cannot tell you now, on judgement day, I will make them pay for their crimes.
Ok, my God, another question.
Yes, go ahead, my son.
Who killed Dele Giwa?
Ha, my son, you are very curious.
Yes God, every good journalist should be curious.
You know the killer of Giwa.
Who is that?
That is all I can say for now. On judgement day, I shall make sure that the murderer of Giwa also pays for his crimes.
My God, please tell me, is there a special place for the Nigerian in hell?
Yes, it's called Hell-Gate That is the Nigerian ghetto in hell. There are a lot of you people there already causing trouble for me and the angels. Even Satan is complaining about you people. You already have a bad reputation in hell.
What kind of trouble?
You people are sending emails to people on earth from hell telling them that you have millions of brimstones that you want to transfer to earth and asking them to send you money for the transfer. You people took out all the furnace and installed air conditioners everywhere. I also found out that you people installed big speakers and music systems and are having your "owambe" parties in your flowing agbada which I confess has kept the grounds of hell clean.
Is that so?
Yes, my son.
Also, some of your senators here are trying to impeach Satan. They have bribed all the demons to vote against him in a special impeachment session.
Why will they want to impeach Satan?
As you know, Satan controls everyone and everything in hell and you Nigerians always want power so you can embezzle.
But what can they embezzle in hell?
The firewood and the gasoline that fuels the fire so they can sell it on the black market in hell.
So hell has a black market?
Yes, and it is run by you people, Nigerians.
Oh, that is very funny, my God.
I'm glad you found it funny.
But, dear father, Nigeria has improved from being the most corrupt country to be the second most corrupt country behind Pakistan. You have got to give us some credit.
Well, my son, if I were you, I would not say that loud.
Why?
Didn't you Nigerians bribe the Pakistanis to take the first place on the list?
Father, I've another burning question on my mind.
What is that?
Please tell me, will an Igbo man ever be an elected president of Nigeria?
Yes, my son, but not until after the year 2020.
Very well. Will an Ijaw man from the Niger Delta ever become an elected president of Nigeria?
Yes, my son, but not in your lifetime.
Hmmm. One more question my God.
Go ahead, ask.
When will our National Assembly members stop their corrupt ways and pass a meaningful bill that would actually improve the lives of Nigerians?
My son, that is a very tough question. I must consult with the angels on this one. Please give me a few minutes.
Please, take all the time, my dear God.
My son, I've an answer for you.
What is it, dear Holy one?
Not ever!

tell-a-tale

Can somebody tell me why it is very hard to do the right thing at the right time? "the things I want to do I do not, but the things I that I want not to do I see ma me doingit. HELP!

I mean, I Am supposed to be studying ma ass for ma exams tommorrow but, here am I fiddoling with the computer posting shitz n' stuffz. It should be alright to post but I think I am cheating on time. I just hope it doesn't get back to me.

"I had ma reason to play. An excuse to fail, but then God gave me a reason to naught, a will to sail. Now, left with limited choices I've got to A's. May God help me now, my zeal is flared"

Ub.

Goodthings come at very absurd hours. By this time, I should be thinking Electricity, Electicc circuits and A's. Guess whatz on ma mind now.....PERVERT! Na! I just had this urge to rhyme right here so I put ma Electric test on ma laps and let the bytes flow outta ma fingers. I hope the bytes get some beats sometime so I can bite the bitches.

Sometimes, you gotta do what you love doing and not what you are forced to do....'namean? I don't know if I would fare well if iI went serious with writing. I know I SULK so good but, does real scripting have anything to with writing shitz....hit me!

'aspire

lurking at dawn lost for words

sitting with her trying her charm

yet time and chance lost itz count

and soon we be laughing at naught

Doing ma thing resting ma spine

when she struts by consuming ma brain

alas! I lost me pleasing ma heart

don't say I'd be crying I gave ma eyes

speaking of you revealing ma fear

cracking ma head seeking to please

then you walked away leaving a trail

I knew I'd be lost picking the tail

I wish I could learn itz hard to think

to let it go was only ma wish

but when you call it steals ma pride

to know that I could still hope on hope.

Ub.