Vainness

Visions in flashes, and melody, and crashes
The leap to step, and the heap of mistake
Distress calls, the stake just raised
Here is the vanity of haste,
The enormity of waste
Was it karma? Is it common?
Long nights and a brief dawn
Is it Tuesday?
There are footsteps of night on the wet lawn
Lights flashes, twice, static
Life’s champion lies, panting
Drowned in cheers and sweat
He won the race that has not finished
The fight against self, the race toward time
A mind against will,
A basket full of wishes

©Ub Matthews - 100509

Shattered – A Remix of Anis’ Story

I watched you
I watched your silhouette block the light
Beams of light rushes in from the open door,
Throws a spotlight on you
The reflection illuminates my messy mind
In a moment it is swept away

The night closed and we surrendered to cold,
Making our way through spills and shattered glasses
Shivering, from cold and fear of shattered chances
One two minds, is this one mine?

The speech in my head cancels the words on your lips
I heard what you said, not the ones from your lips
In heaps, tears begin to form…
My quicksilver frozen tongue,
All the things you should know,
I surrender,
I surrender as cold tears travel down my chin

© Ub Matthews et Anis Syahirah -170409

quartely report

I just felt like coming plain this time around, non-lyrical, non-poetic plain, about the events that have consumed my time lately. April is always a special month for many reasons for me, It comes with the beginning and ending of many phases in my life.
Lately there is so much to write about, but very little enthusiasm. Sitting at the waiting area in a specialist medical center today, thoughts started flooding me and I wish I had a means to document them as they came. I decided to do it summarily, a report on my life or the events that have occurred that I shall remember these few days.

My future in the country:
So as not to dwell too much on this topic, I am going to be straight. It will be very difficult to leave this place no matter how good the opportunities that present itself in greener pastures. I always thought otherwise. I didn't realize how much I got used to this place.

My brain activities:
With amnesia setting in and the clock ticking, I decided to pick up a few things to deal with my almost dormant head.

o Scrabble

I picked this up sometime last year but got into a competition this year and surprisingly I was very eager to be in the first five (5) which would mean beating all those seasoned players who have been doing it before me for years. That was not to be but I nonetheless got a price and a certificate for the 11th place! Dig that!

o Music

Ok, I am not very proud of my achievement in this department but, I have come a long way learning stuff by myself thus far. I have tried my hands on many instruments; maybe being a jack of all trade had a hold on me, I can barely say that of all the instruments (guitar, keyboard and drums) that I have flirted with, it appears to be only my drumming skills that is honing. This might be partly because I get to do it every other week in church.
I have a sea of materials that could be recorded songs someday but lack of resources is slowing me down. I have tried taking vocal lessons online to strengthen my already diminishing vocal strength but the motivation slips away too often.
Yeah, I have broadened my music ears too as many might notice, I am now listening to and enjoying music that could make many brothers’ ear tingle and I don’t give a damn how ‘white’ they think I have become...I am just grown.

· Sports
Football is still my thing no doubt but I grabbed the opportunity to inflict pain on people the minute it came. Some scout saw me in a football game and told me to try out for rugby, courtesy of my build and speed, I thought about it and started training!
It is becoming fun to train as I now have a faint idea of the objectives of the sport. I joined as a pure novice but I am not given any special treatment at all! I am supposed to just watch, play and blend in. The challenge is helping me grasp it more, despite the fact that it makes me feel stupid nonetheless.
I felt so out of place at first, for starters, until I went for a shower after training, I have never seen that much variety of penises in my whole life! It is very amazing the different species of ‘map’ that folks hide under their pants, even I was in awe!
I still have the ‘yikes’, when I think about the water that we have to drink on the pitch, folks have to scoop it from a cork container with cups and ice in it. The cups are shared and people just scoop the water with them and throw them in again after they are done drinking.
The water is mixed with all sorts of things, blood, grass, sweat, sand, boogers, hair, pvc, ice blocks, etc….I have to bring my own water to the pitch now….fuck team spirit! My stomach is too fragile I am already spending most of my savings trying to figure out what causes the severe stomach aches I have been having lately. This being me to the next point;

· Health
I try to be as healthy as possible, minimize my exposure to cigarette smoke, dust, drink clean water often and all those other nonsenses that are supposed to help me live a long, ill-free life but, yeah, this recurrent stomach aches I have been having is almost making me a sissy despite my efforts to brave up so, I decided to deal with it…squarely. I finally got to fix an appointment and get an ultrasound scan; I have been putting this off for 6months now mainly due to the recession today...hehehe.
I realized how ultrasound scans have been stereotyped as a women-only procedure. Not wanting to be on the waiting list for an appointment I had with my doctor for it in June, I decided to go see a private specialist. The first clinic I walked into was a “LOH WOMEN’S SPECIALIST CLINIC”, I will forgive the nurse who almost walked me away after she found out that I was gonna be the one getting the scan and not a female partner. She told me it is a women clinic/procedure only and I stood my ground until one Dr. Loh took my 70bucks, smeared me with gel, said a couple of weird things and then recommended me to a REAL specialist a couple of blocks away who, repeated the same procedure, with softer hands but for a higher fee, explained some jargons, caressed, told me that my bilateral kidneys, gallbladder, pancreas and spleen, liver were in top-shot condition, and that I didn’t have suprarenal masses and an obvious paraaortic lymphadenopathy, gave me printed-out pictures of my abs and a report of what she just said and, sent me to go see my doctor, again, and, come again, for a ‘scope’ to rule out any intestine abnormalities on the recommendation of my doctor.

· Social Life
I made a vow to go out and dance every night except Sundays and Mondays for as long as it is fun, it has been wicked fun! And I have kept that vow so far! hihi
Ok, this babble will have to pause here, my head spins and I can’t be bothered to save it and continue again…such has been my life, the outline at least…..to be continued perhaps!

Ub

Ok, So, Sara randomly sends me a link, it is an online dictionary with the acroymns/definitions of my uber cool name, 'Ub'.....I am so cooled out that I decided that I am going to do stuff that I don't do often, re-post the excerpts in a bulleted remixed format....

• The state University New York at Buffalo - Largest and most prestigious University in New York State. Professors here supposedly have English language deficiency
• Under a blanket
• Unknown Bittie - a hottie that you do not know personally
• United Bamboo - an Asian gang
• Un Boyfriend - like a booty call or fuck buddy for those of you smouks who don't like the four-letter word( this one is gay!)
• Underage Boobies - this is the funniest! Used to describe the bossom of a hot under-18 year old girl, one that screams 'look-but-dont-touch!'
• University of Buffalo or Ugly Bastard - Used to diss, "is UB Ugly Bastard or University of Buffalo?'
• Ulan Bator - The capital of Mongolia. It is supposely cool if it is 'UB'
• University of Botswana - I just added this one to the list but I am certain they call it UB.

Here is the link to the copyrighted site in case any of you muschicks(sic) cry plagarism....SHUT UP! it's my name! hihihihihi http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?page=2&term=ub

Isn't this handsomely and coolio and lame in a sense! I am not a perv but I the underage boobies thing knocked me off my stool

My White Dress

Veiled in white
Whirling and whistling
I think I feel
Just like a princess
*hiss* the gentle wind says;
Dance!
…and I sway,
Serenaded by passive silence
Feels like freedom
Free as wisdom
Free,
Like birds and dancing trees,
Like nature and crying rocks
I put on my white dress
I feel like a whirlwind

©Ub Matthews-120209

So, I decided to play with Sara's (http://annawhispers.blogspot.com/) words literally. I wanted do something on a topic sentence that has been playing in my head for most of the time we was at the orphanage today. Some kids kept saying stuff that I thought I could build a material on and then I came home. While conversing with Sara for like 10minuteish, I stole some of her words and played with it. Forgive me Sara, but I had to post stuff here today.

Laugh me

An anonymous follower of my blog said today, “u blog can make me laugh when im boring or unhappy”(sic). “What do you mean”, I quipped, "I don’t post funny stuffs". “im saw when you starting at Malaysia”(sic). Only then I dawned on me that the post being referred to be my pioneer posts, obviously, the blog follower wasn’t the kind that would appreciate the caliber of materials I publish often nowadays.
I was almost certain that no ‘right-thinking’ person (pun intended) would be reading my archives of published materials, how wrong I was! I immediately decided to re-visit the posts and much to my chagrin, I laughed after reading the first material I blogged.
A very dear person recently confessed to be an ‘attention whore’ in the past life, while writing this, I was thinking of what alias could have fitted my past life, I am still thinking…but, I must confess that I did crack a few smiles too reading some of the craps I posted, I think it was insightful that my blog is titled, ‘Shitz n Stuffz’, I could always attribute one to another and vice versa.
Among the things I am glad about is the fact, no matter how much my published materials have evolved; I have not stopped publishing altogether. Most of the people that inspire me to start this blog have long ceased to write or blog, whichever the case is. I can also say that according to my archives of published materials, ‘when I was a boy, I thought, acted and wrote like a boy, now that I am a man…. say WHAT!

Two Mothers

Two eggs and a nest
A mother and her wings
Perching, silently on twig,
Watching

Too scared for rest
A mother on her knees
Crouching solemnly on couch,
Praying

Took years and a tears
A mother and offspring
Raising voices at each other,
Bonding

Two mothers and a love
The mommy and the hummingbird
Singing lullabies to little juniors,
Daily

Nests weaved with a beak,
Words sealed with a peck
One human, one not
Two mothers and, they love.

©Ub M - 200209

Aloof

Here is a testament, a story of love shared
She assumed, ‘…freely received, freely give’,
But, was it enough to go around?
Hand me two loaves and five fishes!

Here is the melody of yap yap yap,
A cover song for deep-seated hate
Now tell me who believes in fate,
For what goes around, surely do come around

Hear them speak in muffled tones
‘She loved the one and rugged another’,
Was she drugged?
See! Sleepwalks with such frantic pace

Here is a dream with a moral punch
Not as much as sweet as last night’s wish
A quick blow as the eyes blink
Why must conscience suffer for sins of abundant grace?


©Ub Matthews-120209

Killed by the rain

Trickles of rain
Trick, trick, I sleep.
Deep, peaceful, as a morning death
Pieces of me sprawled about,
Lifeless, listening as fear moves about.
Thunders clap as lightning steals the light,
Packets of sweat bond with my frightened skin,
Yet still, I sleep,
Killed, my fingers crawl still
Is death as sweet as this?
Is there a street of gold?
I wait, for I am scared to haste
Still, I lay
As heavy as the rain
Still, I pray
Carnal, nonetheless
Trickles of rain, tingles and tears
I am killed by the rain.
©210109 - Ub Matthews

Two tears

Yesterday came again today
disguised as Sunday.
then I saw a man
light up the sky at day.
I cried two tears,
one for yesterday, one for tomorrow.
Then the glory of the sun
Consumed the pride of men
Her fiery
Boiled up his sweats
Again I cried two tears,
one for yesterday, one for tomorrow.
When moments disappear like mist,
and we resorted to planning and reminiscing.
When the hopes of the future is threatened
by the visions we cooked today
I cry two tears,
one for yesterday, one for tomorrow.

©Ub M - 131108

Cycles

The day recycled,
in the bid to keep the cycle,
a circle - brand new.
Where old things would become news,
Good news,
at least for the chosen few,
so when it ended,
yesterday could commence again.
Would it ever tire?
The endless cycle of same.
Could it be the end?
The slightest form of change.
Those mornings that came veiled,
or the days when the sun shed few tears.
The day recycled,
so Tuesdays became few
Oh! How much time had flew!

©Ub M- 041108

Mimi

The love she thought she had was shared
Cos every heir had a say
Heaps of hate on her head
If only they could make out why
Why she is so fair and frail
Yet all her suitors phase and fail
Was it the ways of men,
Their haste for taste
Was it the waste of when?
When perfect shows, I’ll take
The love she thought she had was hate
Cos every them was the same
When she reels, she may never wrap
For on the lips of hapless men she rode.


©Ub M - 290808

Illusion

Moment fades into vision
Dactyls crawl to a stop, to listen,
To the footsteps of rain tiptoeing on the rafter
Hoping to hear a rhythm
To make music
For the lyrics silence wrote
But, tick-tock tick-tock
The second-hand hurries away
With each stride, sets a pace
As though to a place,
A place,
where language dances to the rhythm of the rain
and with each tap of keys,
The music transpose with briskness.
Like reflex, the door swings with the ensemble
Squeaking a perfect ad lip as it is carried along by the wind
And as the thunder claps to a crescendo
The applause wakens my pulse
To reveal the only music playing, as the tap on the keyboard,
And the melodies of solitude in my head


©Ub M - 260808

Root Three

I fear that I will always be a lonely number like root three
A three is all that’s good and right
Why must my three keep out of sight?
Beneath a vicious square root sign
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick
With just some quick arithmetic
I know I will never see the sun as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When, hark, just what is this I see?
Another square root of a three
Has quietly come waltzing by
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer
Rejoicing as an Integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
And with a wave of magic wands
Our square-root signs become unglued
And love for me has been renewed

Recited by Kumar, Harold and Kumar (Escape from the Guantanamo Bay)

I had to post this 'beautiful poem' about 'calculus' I dictated it after watching the hilarious movie Harold and Kumar - Escape from the Guantanamo Bay. Can you dig that this seemingly silly poem helped him win back his college sweetheart? tsk.....gurls!

Charcoal

The light begged to bloom
Just as time snatched away
Pale, she looked, hugging and wailing
But whose tears ever drowned a Boeing’s?
I wonder!

Distance grew old with every thread
But when it flew, she rebirths
If it settles and stays,
Who will wipe the dust on memory page?
I wonder!

The embrace of strong cocoa brew
Veils the hole that valediction makes
A hope that it is only a trip
Gosh! Could this even be a trick?
I wonder!

This time he vowed not to sob
Soggy towels, yet she will not stop
Charcoals and stencils can’t do all the talk
Will this walk be worthy?
I wonder I wonder!

-170608-ub matthews ©2008


Epilogue

Borrowed the first few punch lines from Claire Horner-Richardson from her summary of a painting she did for me as she was parting to a realer place than ‘la la’ land – ‘charcoal on board’.
I adore people that inspire me…no matter how pankey! Cheerio woman! Distance is just a mere deceit in this other world.

Gray

Dark stars on a sunny day
‘Rain on me’ she pleads to say
White Parks dried by winter’s heat
Only grown kids play by the fireplace
The sun sweats from cold?
Invigorating!
Though, tale not well told as days of old.
But, who can narrate the story of stolen glory?
The pauses, the absence of presence, the tension,
Communication mode: tenses.
Excitement weans…
Silence slips in and no one notices,
Steals the show, now everybody’s applauding
‘Awake’! …what mother said to Slumber,
‘Summers don’t come in gray’



- 020606©Ub Matthews

Mother

Mother,
In times like this
Mother,
For better and best
Mother,
A fountain, the founder
Mother,
My tool for growth,
My force, the genesis of dreams
Mother,
The husbandman, the household
Without which, men are mummed
Mother,
When words won’t hold walls
My mother, my spur,
My secret to betterness


Ub M©052008

For all my mothers out there! Especially, the sweetest, Uduakobong Matthews. Mere words can’t detail. I love you! Happy Mothers’ Day!

A life in a box

A world seems unaware
of changes roundabout me
unaware of emotive tendencies
married to what inevitable change?
There’s another summary of a phase
the pattern almost setting a trend
that adieu’ said to a moving train
Ouch! Her rush of air crushing,
Trying to gather me,
pieces of me shattered about...
of blown up thoughts,
of grown up plots,
I'm thrown off guard…
Oh! The woes of packing a life into a box


-Ub M©apr2008

...to shakespeare et al

For all aspiring and established writers, April 23 is a significant date for many reasons. By chance; choice; conspiration; mischieve or sheer coincidence, three (3) prominent 16th century writers namely: Shakespeare, Cervantes and Inca Garcilaso de la Vega who individually and collectively revolutionalised the literary world all died on this day.

On what might be termed a 'book' day to be born or dead, other well known authors such as Vladimir, Maurice Droun, Haldor Laxness, etc, either birthed or died on this date. Little wonder why this date is a celebrated 'World Book' Day.

Concurrently, this date is also celebrated as 'the biggest lessons' day. Where attempt is made to bring in as much people from all walks of life in various countries back into the classroom to have lessons under a national curriculum. I think the attempt is made to create the largest number of idiots trying to get smart collectively or whatever, but, dont they have a point?

Mortality

Bubbles borne
hopes incarnate
Say Valediction,
and new journeys begin
waits;
lives;
kicks;
births;
to a cycle that might soon bore
too soon, becomes a lifestyle
soon, the weight of joys
drowns the tears
soon, the wake of dreams
crowns the years.


-Ub. M©170408