rambulations

....slumberred into this very bad mood in the very early of the day. Seemed like the whole world was on ma shoulders. I am supossed to smile in the face of problems so don't preach to me - nah! I think 'lmost every one could tell I was passing through hell from a distance and, as I would like it, they left me to sort out things by myself while offering the "troubles don't last always" bullshit. Troubles have thier way of coming in 'quantums' but don't joy always come in the morning?

I really felt like crying but the tears won't stream. I really felt hurt, I have been through worse things in life but for once, I could feel the fear, the uncertainty of tommorrow coulded my view. All I could envision was 'When will things ever work out right for me'. I seldom sulk but when I do, it spurs me up and tells me that having no one around you to laugh and cry with yu doesn't mean that no one cares; having no change in your pocket don't mean you are broke. This is ma game, I ma put maself together and forge ahead.

Wanting to focus ma strength on positive things, I talked to Jesus and resorted to watching TV. Itz kind of cute to know that while I am out there looking for buddies, someone's standing by and saying 'do you mind company?'. Oft I just tell him to mind his business and regret it afterwards. Things sorted itself out with such speed to ma amazement.....and I could never be more thankful to ma 'bestest' friend who clicks with me for no obvious reasons.

I learnt very important lessons through ma ordeal, not that it hasn't ever crossed ma mind but I admit that I let the cares of this life overcome ma jugdement...ma bad! I just needed to live in the now and let God sort out tommorrow...that shouldn't be any of ma business. I just have to give Him the charge to do that. Itz extremely amazing what wonders this can do. Just become carefree! My tongue also was cautioned. Many of the situations that I am in is a function of what I said in the past and I repented. How I feel does not determine the outcome of ma situation but what I say - Tongue.

So, I'll be watching it now...might be tough seeing the society I am located but that will make it more fun. I ma stay tight and strong no matter what the valleys I have to tred. I'll pull maself together and know that no situation in life is permanent. Life in itself is an endless aimless struggle so I should not expect anything less. Having under-used my tongue for somewhile, speak the word and let it be....isn't this god?